Hey guys, welcome back to the podcast. I'm Amanda.
I'm Laura.
And I'm Kendra.
Today we are going to talk about busyness. This is something that plagues a lot of us and probably contributes more to our burnout than we think. Hopefully, in this podcast, we can create an awareness of what kind of busyness you want. If it aligns with your values and recharges you, that's great. But if you're just saying yes to everything, you inevitably say no to things that align with your values, leaving you feeling drained.
Let's define busyness. It’s the state of having or being involved in many activities, managing many details. If you're doing them to be present for your kids or spend quality time with your partner, then that busyness can feel restorative. But if you’re saying yes out of obligation or because you feel it defines you, then resentment and bitterness can creep in.
One thing I learned was to say yes with a purpose. My New Year's resolution last year was to eliminate things that didn’t align with my values. I got clear on what I wanted to spend my non-renewable resource on. If something didn’t align, I’d say no, or “I love you, and no.” Those were my complete sentences. Saying yes with purpose means aligning anything I allocate my time and energy to with my values. Time is a non-renewable resource, so be intentional.
I read an article by Rory Vaden, co-founder of Southwestern Consulting and a New York Times bestseller. He says finding meaning has much to do with finding your place in the world, but this is often impacted by diluted focus. Trying to do too many things at once dilutes results. Many of us spread our attention, time, money, and resources so thinly that our personal lives and work suffer. I found myself diluting my focus, affecting my mental well-being.
Rory says not to try to make the perfect choice but focus on the fact that you have limited resources. If you spread them too thinly, you're more likely to fail or not achieve your goals. However, if you put resources into fewer things, the likelihood of success is higher. It’s not about making the right decision; it’s about making your decision right.
We talked about essentialism in past podcasts. It’s about focusing on the few things that mean the most or get you where you're going most effectively. Show our kids that we have so much energy and time each day and make it count.
I thought about this when I was asked to coach my son's baseball team. Coaching a team of seven, eight, and nine-year-olds was one more thing on my list, but it was quality time. Running around, playing, and laughing with the team was exercise and fun. It made me focus on connecting with my family and spending quality time.
Baseball is so fun and can be totally hilarious, but also heartbreaking. Yes, we had times when it wasn’t fun, getting run-ruled a time or two. But at the end of the game, handing out root beer as an attaboy to the player of the game was super fun.
Life happens in seasons and equilibrium. Looking at what season we’re in can help us determine our priorities and where to direct our focus. It’s better to focus on precision than balance. Be precise in using your time and resources, applying them to what matters most and aligns with your values. Embrace the season you’re living in, even if it looks different than expected.
For example, I tried having a house cleaner off and on for years. They would inevitably do something to offend my OCD. But I finally found someone who does it well, and it has changed so much for us. I don’t find meaning in cleaning, and having someone else do it has been a huge level-up. My goal is to offload the laundry too. Delegating tasks that don’t add meaning to my life has been beneficial.
Procrastination is part of human nature. It’s about avoiding pain and seeking pleasure. Classic procrastination is delaying what you know you should be doing. Creative avoidance is unconsciously avoiding something you should be doing. Priority dilution is trying to do something but getting interrupted or distracted. This happens a lot to moms and spouses. Establish boundaries to protect focus. Rory describes adopting a significance calculator: making decisions today that create more time tomorrow.
Eliminate what’s not important in your current season of life to multiply your time. When we hold onto tasks thinking we need to be the one doing them, it might be better to let someone else do them. Learning to say no today gives us more time tomorrow for things that matter more, like time with loved ones.
I started a school six years ago as a volunteer effort. I was there full-time while working for a few years, then phased myself out to one day a week. Other people have taken over and done amazing work. Turning it over to others was the best thing for it, and they are doing a phenomenal job. If I had tried to do it all, I might be dead right now. It was too much to carry. Now I still contribute as the board chairperson and consult with them, but it’s not my thing to do.
Acknowledge that we get dopamine hits from our busyness. We feel important when we’re super busy, but that’s not what defines our worth. Sometimes being busy makes it easier to say no, but we should be able to say no even on a free day.
There’s also a bit of ego in thinking we can’t offload responsibilities to someone else, believing no one can do it as well as we can. That thought might be feeding our ego. When you say yes to everything, you’re saying no to something else. If you’re not conscious of what you’re saying no to, others might be deciding your life for you. Be conscious about the things you say no to so you can say yes to things that recharge you.
Cultivate play and rest. Brene Brown’s guidepost in her Gifts of Imperfection is to let go of exhaustion as a status symbol. Exhaustion doesn’t determine our worth. Play shapes our brain, fosters empathy, helps us navigate social situations, and cultivates creativity and innovation. Spending time in your right brain, having fun and playing, is important. Add play to your checklist.
Rest is essential. Actual rest, not scrolling, decreases the risk of multiple medical problems. Sleep is crucial. If there was a way to avoid sleep, we would have evolved to do that. Every species on the planet has some form of sleep, proving its necessity. Lack of sleep impairs cognition, which is not ideal on the job. Sleep is when your brain cleans itself and your immune system repairs. Question the belief that you can get away with less sleep.
Having clarity of purpose means matching your time and energy with your values. Make a list of your values and look at your calendar. Ensure you’re spending enough time on what’s important. It’s not about perfection but spending enough time on what truly matters. Are you busy doing what matters or what doesn’t?
Brene Brown challenges us to say no today, buck the system, take something off your list, and add “take a nap.” Sometimes our brains need that checkbox, so add “take a nap” and put a checkbox by it.
This perspective on busyness helps you gain perspective and build simple habits now. When the next season of your life throws a curve, you’ll have a foundation for aligning your values with your busyness.
Hope this helped. If it did, leave us a review. It helps other doctors find us and spreads our message. Check out our free download, Feel Better Stat. It’s a quick read of all the things we wish we learned in training to keep us in it to win it. Visit our website at www.thewholephysician.com. We take demoralized doctors from fried to fantastic with our evidence-based Wellness 911 program. Until next time, you are whole. You are a gift to medicine, and the work you do matters.
